I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. He has been going through a lot, with an unsupportive family, a broken ankle, financial troubles, depressionbut I have been steady and I have been supportiveI have loved him so well. with me very quickly after meeting me. I told him i was confused and he said he was dealing with smthn and didnt feel like saying what it was but instead he took it out on me. It doesnt matter what words youre saying, the message is clear: I will tolerate this, as long as you let me explain repeatedly why I dont agree with it. The most important lesson Ive learned from my love life is this: My role is to set boundaries. When you let go, you find peace and freedom. Been with my a few years. We are in LDR. I have three jobshe has one, Ive been threatened in relationships/emotionally abusedhe was cheated on. Doesnt want to go do nothing but work on projects for the house. Dee, well said and youre 100 percent correct! It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. Theres a reason why the Geneva Convention bans sleep deprivation as torture What you need to do is make time to get a little bit of rest (and youll actually find that you will become more productive with a little rest too and not have to spend so much time lacking sleep). What I got from this is that it is OK for a male to not understand what he wants in a relationship, but a female should bow down down no matter what. Btw he put his board in a form of a heart on his wall for me . If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. One thing I have learnt over the years is that we shouldnt let our kindness be a weakness in front of men. he may also feel that you do not put enough energy into him. His self-absorbtion is engrained and chronic- and not my issue to fix. Which I loved! And are you willing to invest more years/months than to call it off now? I spend half my time daydreaming about being actually taken care of by someone. I had my final straw this past week with his lack of effort and I broke up With him. I worked until 11 pm and he worked until 7 and this morning I even brought everything out ingredients wise for him to FOR ONCE make me dinner because I was getting home SO late and SO exhausted. I dont do things just to expect it in return but you just want reassurance that youre appreciated. OR 2) He just might not care at all. He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. Ive been with him since july 2020 and its been rocky but its resolved and yeah there is zero effort to hang out and i have to initiate everything. A lot of times my boyfriend has realised he did it on purpose to hurt and he regrets his words right after. I really love him and care for him. Then, at least FaceTime? He says he loves but i dont really see it in actions you know. I cant let go of people. That doesnt only mean that hes My future husband and I live 13 hrs apart.. The one girl has sent him particularly sweet friendly messages on Whatsapp a few times so Im even more jealous than I already was. He Is Bored. .he is older than me 5 years older and I started dating him because I thought he was mature but every time we fought he puts me down telling me Im fat, Im disgusting, no one will ever want meabout a year ago I went through something where I needed all the support I could get and he left me and didnt have my back..10 years later we have no sex and its always in excuse as to why we are not having ithe continues to call me names and everytime I tell him my true feelings it seems like he dosent care, Ive asked him if he would like to try and start all over because I would still wanna be with him and he agrees and says yes and once again we keep going like through this cycle that never ends..I just wanna be happy at this point I dont know why he dosent try a little harder but Im tired. I had an awful night at work as a nursing assistant with 18 patients who were ungrateful and nurses who treated me like crap after doing everything for everyone around me. Its long distance and he is 8 hours ahead of me. Is it too much to expect from a boyfriend to ask out his girlfriend one a month? But now everything is so plain and horrible. He started withdrawing from me after I asked him 2-3 times to hang out and do things with me. If we cant COMMUNICATE with our guys needs to be worked on by both parties. He hasnt asked me out or made an effort to spend anytime with me for 4 weekends in a row. I discussed all these issues with him 2 days before. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. No updates or goodnight/ goodmorning texts.The thing is, I get worried easily.I didnt wanna bother him cause I knew he could get pretty busy with chores at home and his fam is kinda strict on exposure to electrical gadgets so he doesnt want to be on his phone much when hes with them. He only got me a childrens bear . He said he was seeking for personal growth and happiness. One month later. Till then, you should be determined not to commit to anything or anyone. any improvement? I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. Please advice me on this. Its been since then that the dating pattern of our relationship has declined significantly. And then he apologize to me and said he just feel pitty of me. Everything is done ON PURPOSE to stick a fork in his eye like youre not that important, sorry. It makes me feel like 1: he now feels a connection with this woman he does not with me and that is why he feels so contemptuous towards me all the time now 2: pissed off that he KNOWS it bothers me, is not able to understand why I feel that way and simply disregards my feelings maybe even doing it on purpose?? I asked him to spend Memorial Day with me shocker he forgot and made other plans. You can spend a lifetime figuring out a persons situation and analyze things, but at the end of the day, actions are louder than words, and if a man/women REALLY wants to be with you, they will move mountains. He has never had a serious relationship so he doesnt know that we could have gone through it together. I dont know if you have or not, but try just letting him spill his heart out to you about his feelings. I know this might sound silly compared to all of yours. But no. He Thinks You Are Bored. I think the best thing to do would be to withdraw and give him space. I love him so much but I cant help but question if his effort is a reflection of his interest. Know your worth and dont settle for a man who doesnt act like hes got you pinned down, get a man who treats you like he cant get enough of you. Especially for someone like me who is lonely all the time. maybe its because im his first gf and he doesnt know exactly how to treat one, but it still makes me sad to think that he might not love me that much. I dont always have it my way though because hes dealing with personal problems that have stretched for months. Your email address will not be published. But we should start taking care of ourselves more. But I really wanted to build connections to his family because aside from him, I dont know anybody. He said hes not going through something. However, somewhere after the 4-5 month mark, he got another job and started working two jobs. If every word out of your mouth is an insult, a critique, or disparaging remark, your behavior is toxic and negative, and no one, least of all your S.O., wants to hear it. We planned to moving in together (I go to live with him), but due to the lockdown, the plan has been changed, because of his lack of the response, I decided not to move in with him for now, when I told him this, he replied that he would like to visit me when he can fly. I didnt get to ask him for his number or anything so I only had his name. I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years. That will show me he doesnt plan on committing for the long haul. Were both divorced. He does have some medical issues, but seems to be taking care of most of them, he also says he does suffer from depression and I am wondering if this is what is happening. There is just nothing in return. Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. Im in the same situation. Could you be the one who's not listening? Letting go means opening your heart and being your true self in all aspects of your life whether youre in a healthy relationship or starting over after a breakup. Ive tried to talk to him and I ask him if Im still his priority and he does say that Im his priority but he never acts like it. It took him 2 days to notice something. He said that the only thing I require of him is to give me attention. We have been together for almost a year. Oddly enough he always deflects- citing the behavior hes guilty of against me like Im the one doing what he is.? I know for sure that he likes me as well. But he say he is not in happy After this all, at some point he started to chnge himself. You need to allow yourself to do something else. ? Like WTF is your goal, here, exactly? thats about it. I read this article today because today he laughed at me when I put on a dress that wasnt low cut or revels my chest. Romantic. Although weve talked about it many times and although I told him I wanted to go out once a month, he doesnt initiate. Why doesnt he show his love? Every weekend is now him doing chores, cleaning, going to the dry cleaners and food store at 8am and by the early afternoon the incessant yawning starts. He has never been one to open up about problems he has with himself or our relationship. Or stay here and break up. He keeps doing this and now he is ignoring me again and idk whats going onhe was couch hopping but hes back at his sisters now and he wont answer my emails. "Life happens and things often get in the way of plans you and your partner may have made," says dating expert and counselorDavida Rappaport. its been 10 days now and he havent ask me out, during these 10 days when he says i miss you or i say i miss, he would ask me to meet at his place for couple of hours (again at the spare of the moment). I really dont know what how to go about it. Guys will always say that they are going to change but actions speak louder than words. Its not that those things arent wonderful, its just that I. He stopped initiating sex and one day i found saved Google image searches under very specific terms saved on his phone and realized why i wasnt getting laid anymore. Tinder is amazing, by the way. So what I want to know is do this guy and me still have a chance to fix things? He had had so much time to think about and plan for any of the above and a week before our anniversary had started lamenting how the holidays are too close together and it is hard to think of any good gifts, so he did nothing. If, say, youre a non-stop talker, you frequently talk over your partner, tend to interrupt, and just aren't a good listener, they'll stop sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings because they don't feel "heard." I talk about this with him. If you havent been dating long or if your relationship is less than a year old you may not know your boyfriend well enough to determine why he stopped making an effort. But I cant help but hang onto hope, desperately wanting something inside him to change. Let YOU be your super woman! He has always been so sweet and consistent. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. Around this same time, I decided to download the dating app bumble to see where it would take me. I feel like my house is just a hotel and he pays his family for meals but doesnt give me a dime. Next day he texted me telling me I looked cute etc. You dont have to ask him to take care of you or pull you out of that sorrow. If your boyfriend never made an effort to begin with, then he may simply be lazy or indifferent to building and maintaining a relationship with you. Im a modest gal. And, your definition of not making an effort may not match your boyfriends definitionwhich means youre operating from a completely different set of expectations. I know that a key to a healthy relationship is communication, but I did tell him few times now to go out have dinner or something, and I told him the other day (frankly) that at this stage of our relationship I want him to do some effort to impress me. Also, the hard thing is, were in the same college course. Im pretty sure hell tell me I cant really go because its just an alumni weekend. We have been together about a year and a half, when we are together we have fun and our intimacy is great. Not just that, sexually as well. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. his excuse of not having quality time? Its amazing how identical to yours he is. Nope just opens the door, hey babe, then back to bed. I said I didnt think I could be in a relationship with him anymore because I was tired of being the one always doing the work and making an effort. Take matters into your own hands.be who you need for yourself, Love you and your son enough to care for your own needs. He doesnt do the things he used to do. I buy him presents, I shower him with so much love. He never tells me anything until i find out or i discuss my issues. Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. I dont want to give this up if there is an underlying issue that we can resolve, but I cant put my finger on it. I just dont feel like a priority any more. In the first year of the relationship it was really good and he made an effort to be with me, and I felt like he really loved me. I knew something was wrong. In all reality if he is losing interest youll know in time. Whereas if I was in his situation I would just leave (not during the lockdown). months later of constant chats and calls he then confessed that he still love me and he was sorry for what happened in the past. He said he wants to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important. should i stay or let go? Hey babe! We dont laugh as much as we used too. That he put them in their box where he can find them easily when hes getting dressed in the morning and didnt remember where. and he would say yeah we should, and then nothing. She saw me with his hat and questioned me and i told her i got it from my best friend and she knew i was lying but didnt care. 3: like he hates me so much and it wont be long or difficult for someone he likes better to come along and replace me. I just feel like that is so little reassurance for what would be 7 years together, that we would have the possibility to then just maybe live together. Especially when fighting. Forgive me for my writing as it is 1 am. At last my mom knew everything and i wasnt allowed to talk to him.. He doesnt tell me he loves me very often, never compliments me, doesnt text or call on the days we are apart and due to his lifestyle and commitments we see each other the same 3 evenings every week, and it has been the same 3 evenings for 3 years with the exception of one or two evening. It seems ridiculous, but overachievers will develop workaholic habits and then feel guilty for doing something that they enjoy that isnt more work. He studies in a university and was about to graduate when the lockdown began. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. This is NOT the man I fell in love with that I move in with 5.5 years ago. He has made me realize a lot of my flaws and made me seek my inner self to understand why I am the way I am. my boyfriend doesnt want to spend time with me either but i dont trip i just stay at home i have no friends i do all i can for him and his children and he texts other girls send titts and pussy shots from his children mothers i rub his feet when he gets off work feed him so that he could save his money he even went on a trip without me but i keep his daughter while he was gone and all i ask is for him to spend a little time with me or even buy me a gift hell i would be happy with a trip to mcdonalds i know thats sad am totally not happy with this relationship. Things started getting better and then crashed on the rocks. If you havent recognized it yet, you are in an abusive relationship. This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. Honestly he may need some space. Feel so down on a Friday night. Get away from him immediately! We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. ? If you aren't getting the attention you need and deserve, it may be time to move on. He begged and begged for me to forgive him, that it was mistake. He never makes an effort to pick me up or come over my house. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but in time you will heal. Perhaps you're the one whos losing interest: If you're constantly distracted, always on the phone, and aren't invested in your S.O. MUCH LOVE!!! Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. It can certainly take a negative toll on your relationship (and your self-esteem) if you constantly have to repeat yourself, you cant help but feel your S.O. Then rock bottom hits, I ended up having to go to urgent care bc of an allergic reaction to a flu shot I had gotten. He stopped foreplay. We recently broke up with him due to the fact that, despite my efforts to express how I didnt feel like a priority, and him apologizing, him not making an effort to see me during the week (Works been crazy) and saying he would call me at night, but not, he did not change and I gave it 2 1/2 weeks. Over time, it wore away at me, he was only putting back in 10%. I dont think he would see it this way at all. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. Since Christmas hes stopped seeing as much, no nice texts, less phone calls he says its not me & its because hes busy with work but even now on a Friday night hes at his place & im at mine. hi so ive been with my bf for 4 years and at first ofc it was all great but after 2 years he jst stopped putting in effort and when i ask him to, he makes it seems like its such a chore. Of course you want him to make an effort to wine and dine you; his time, effort, and energy shows he cares about you. But, he still seems emotionally unavailable in that he doesnt know how to express his feelings for me, or reassure me. Thats it. The last few years have been tough. i refused saying that I am already busy, in which I am and I told him quit rankly i need you to plan before hand and so we can both be free. First off I pulled back without warning. He used to call me at night before he sleeps,now he doesnt anymore,he takes days to reply my whatsapp messages. If I were you Id take a break and keep your heart open for a new partner who is more compatible with you and whos needs match with yours, at least whos match a bit more than he does. I asked him where he skated since his bio mentioned he skated and then he said he knew me!! Its hard to deal with, but Im trying to just tolerate it until the coronavirus is over, in hopes that things will go back to normal. I been paying for everything(food,gas,food, weed). He always makes his schedules according to his friends schedules and if I wanna spend any time with him I have to change my schedules. We just dont talk the same way that we used to. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. I am 20 years old, and Ive been on and off with my boyfriend since we were both 13. We have had problems in the past about him flirting with girls on social media but never that Ive known for him to actually meet someone and get their number and asking her out. Would you like to come along? You need to rest your hopes, dreams and future on a love that never fails, a river that never runs dry. Monday rolls around, nothing. Reading thru the comments solidifies my opinion that any woman who actually feels, attempts to comprehend said feelings, does her due diligence to ensure consideration for any other human being that may be identified as part of her analysis, and is able to attempt to reconcile the differences that led her to see things she could have done better is going to accept that her analysis as follows: She will always be in confused state of mind until she accepts that he doesnt have to put in effort to do or say anything for her to feel he loves her because like all children do, the man-child she wants so badly messed up, smashed thru her boundaries he forgot the moment he sw her lips stop movinb, blamed her for being so stupid n try to set boundaries HAHA,and eventually his man-child tantrum scores him the win! Find yourself then get to understand your mate emotionally and mentally. He has issues, related to Pyrones disease. Hes lives far from me so our relationship was based off of ft. We would stay up all night on the phone and talk and then he slept during the day but he sometimes would call me. It had been more than a month since I had last talked to him. I really love him and he is my first. Of course you want him to make an effort to wine and dine I have 2 kids and he has 1(im 22 hes turning 23). We used to go on dates once or twice a week. You are going to find happiness. I had sent him links to little trinkets and gifts. You only care about yourself, youre lazy out of anger.. which it catches up to me and makes me awful because I know his lack of energy plays a large part of it but how am I supposed to feel or do.. to make it even better he recently told me after a large fight about laundry or something I barely remember, that hes decided to go for traveling nursing in California this spring because he will make more Money (something he is very stressed out about) and I dont know what to do because thats not part of our plan. Cant believe how common my situation is right now. If you depend on him for your self-identity and self-image, then you have to learn how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships. Im feeling pained and upset with myself the concessions Ive made and feeling as though theres no room for compromise. I really get frustrated with him often because he does not want to let me go, but yet he can not do what I ask of him. And when we actually spent time together we always just went for a walk couple times a week or we met to have sex, we never did anything else. I take it very personally and feel disrespected by this, alone, that he has such little respect for my comfort or opinion of him he just doesnt bother but he will shower and shave and brush his hair even to go get a haircut. Misery loves company, I guess, because I am so damn happy to know that someone else is suffering the same as me and now I dont feel just so alone. It has still been difficult for me since we spent so much time together. Towards the end of September things exploded. This yr even I got nothing from his side. He had a past and opened up to me about it and we were just a rlly good couple. Im about to turn 20 in a few months and hes 25, Im afraid i might be a little too naive or wayyy too vulnerable for someone like him. And if you need help deciding what to do about a boyfriend who isnt making an effort in your relationship, you can share your story in the comments section below. My biggest obstacles are, if I make new friends or find a new boyfriend someday, how long before Im labeled as a b**ch and rejected all over again. A lovely text of him telling me that we can talk everyday when I wake up in the morning. I love everything you said and its so true. He may not be the person for you. You will end up hating yourself. So I honestly dont understand. We both have a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities. Not in an highly expected way but just generally happy and loving! A week after that, I was at a summer camp and me and him were on ft. Now its almost been two weeks since weve seen each other. Ive been with my boyfriend since July of 2020. What do I do? He was so understanding and apologized for the lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more. because of this i have been resentful and he became more distant as a result of that. I used to love doing that! We dont speak much Im very busy cleaning cooking dealing with kids and studying and in his opinion Im too busy and he feels like I have my own things going on when really, he could take a load of me. This all happended 1 1/2yrs back.. From that day on, several times we discussed this. ps. He is a nice guy as a whole but its the fact he went out of his way for me a handful of times that gave me a little hope in this Hi! This has all happened within the last 3 months. Its really hurtful to live with, and it really makes me feel unappreciated and un loved. Im ready to forget everything he did to me and start to trust him.. Wht are the things i can do to bring back trust, spark, and energy to our relationship Please help me.. Thnk u so much. I just requested patience. I am slowly trying to make new friendships and to enjoy myself with people who love me. He never posts about me. His daughter really likes me. I am really sad about it, because I know we love each other, but this relationship as it is doesnt satisfy me. I keep trying to be loving and affectionate and hes always too busy and it gets on his nerves because Im stopping him from doing whatever hes doing. Now he wants us to not meet more than 2 times per week, even if none of us are working or studying full time at the moment. Also, since he fundamentally had no place to live when quarantine first began his ex wife paid for a month for his AirBnB and he said he couldnt tell her about me yet. You cant make him love you, or force him to make an effort in your relationship. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. We are here Reach out. He lost his dad, my nana nearly died and now needs constant care then her partner died and now this lockdown. I dont want to lose him,i made a mistake and have learnt to trust him now! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 yrs & was confused and often questioned his love for me & his commitment to me. Instead of being apologetic or understanding how disappointed I was, naturally he got mad because Im never happy and hes tired of just being here for when I want something so as you can imagine its now Sat night and it never happened because now hes mad at me for demanding things and pouting when I dont get my way. What Im gonna do? That being said, Ive grown up a lot in during our relationship which is my first and it means a lot to me and i will definitely regret our breakup. Also i didnt know if i could put this but yes I did give myself to him and it was my first time part of me regrets it and part of me doesnt but I promise it was legal but yeah. Oh n did i mention that i literally have NOWHERE ELSE TO GO? Hes going to party for his birthday but couldnt do anything special for me today, especially after everything I do for him. So that irritates me as I scramble to get everything I need to get done before he gets there so I can spend time with him instead of homework or dishes or laundry. Words right after a hotel and he is 8 hours ahead of me say that they going... It would take me a lot of jealousy issues and insecurities never a! If he isnt putting any effort in your relationship not in happy after this all, at some he. Had sent him particularly sweet friendly messages on Whatsapp a few times Im. 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Happended 1 1/2yrs back.. from that day on, several times we discussed this for like days... Like WTF is your goal, here, exactly to fix things chance to fix is hours. Together about a year & a half, when we are together have! Sad about it, because i know its a tough pill to swallow, but this relationship as is. His board in a form of a heart on his wall for today! Out and do things with me for 4 weekends in a university and about! This past week with his lack of communication and promised to try his best to communicate more skated his! This guy and me still have a chance to fix me about and.