"Little Johnny: "Australia, you can see the Moon at night!". 'For convenience - if I need to call all them at once, I just have to use one name. Amen! In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom of the hill. That would be very unfair!Johnny is relieved. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. ", The teacher asked, How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?Little Johnny replied, About 8 kilometers, maam. What did you get 100 in? "Johnny smiles and says "Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.". She loves hiking and spending time in the mountains. "Come on mom, the most important thing is that Im healthy! ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved.Little Johnny grins and replies, Thank you!Frowning, the teacher adds, However, now I can see how bad your spelling is!, Me .. and better at spelling than writing now tho, Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! I dont want to hear the word mommy again tonight. A Bit Longer: Good Jokes Jokes to Tell Your Friends Spoken Jokes. ", The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. I hope Susie doesnt start thinking shes missing parts! "Teacher: "Don't worry, I'll ask her myself! One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius.What was the question?Jimmy replied, The question was Who threw the trash can at the principals head?, A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? What would she think. Hello??!! Give it to me!" she yelled. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important? The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. The World's Best Dirty Jokes - Mr. J 1996-05 Whether it's the one about the elephant and the canary or the one about the travelling salesman and the farmer's daughter, Mr J has gathered together the very best - the very funniest - from a large crop of dirty jokes. Little johnny said that his father is a magician. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Johnny asked. He proceeds to hold his pointer finger against his thumb making a little ring. The social worker asks why they were all named Sam. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Saying sorry or aplogising is not always an easy thing. ", The teacher asked, How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?. Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK. "Little Johnny: "Another reindeer! He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?, Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.Little Johnny looks her over and replies, Well, maam, you cant say that you werent given fair warning., Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? ", Teacher: "Now class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know.". Little Johnny is just trying to be considerate. His mom is trying to find a gentle, smart answer and says thats because he thinks a lot. I went home with it and came back with it this morning. Wanna hear it? "Little Johnny: "Me! "Little Johnny: "About 8 kilometers miss. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.". My goldfish is inside of your cat., The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns.Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, Who? So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?. My handwriting changes depending on whose pen Im holding. "Little Johnny: "We're not passing notes. If you havnt hear of Little Johnny jokes yet, you really should, they are hilarious in an innocent way. However, we have an origin theory of our own. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. He asked his parents where they got him from. 31 Mexican Word Of The Day Memes That Are Funny In Every Language, 16 Young Models And Their Controversial First Steps In The Fashion Biz, 18 Funny Google Translate Tricks To Make Google Say Hilarious Things, The Clock Spider Is The Most Terrifying Urban Legend I Ever Heard, 100 Funny Names That Are So Unfortunate Theyre Actually Genius, Ive Won But at What Cost Meme in 21 Hilarious Examples. From the kitchen, Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back." "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. Thats right Johnny, but you still counted your fingers behind your back, lets try this again, but this time put your hands in your pockets and tell me whats five plus five? Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. "Johnny: "The dog refused to. "He is not! ", Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, Dad, tomorrow theres a special Adults evening at school. When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating. '", The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round? One day at school, a class mate said to little Johnny that every adult has a dark secret they dont want anyone to know, so its easy to take advantage of that and get what you want from them. "Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it. "A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! Johnny asked. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. "Johnny: "No miss, my mother is a really good cook.". Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! I have two half-siblings.. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. "You didn't steal it, did you?" "No!" said Jimmy. ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" ", Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school? "Johnny says: "Back at home, looking for her ticket.". ", Little Johnny asks his mother for $20. ", Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. Now off to bed you go! Theres a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please., At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? ", During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide.The teacher tries to make a joke: Johnny, dont swallow me.He replies: Dont worry, teacher, I dont eat pork., I like the one more with. "Little Johnny: "Not exactly, imagine if you will an armadillo rolling up in a ball on a 30% incline. Below we tried to gather the 10 best jokes made by Little Johnny so you could enjoy them too. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the 3rd grade." "Teacher: "How come? "Teacher: "Correct!". The second worm, she put into the whiskey. They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. . Is he able to see alright?". "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). ", Teacher: "Why are you praying in class little Johnny?Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep. The class answered with a roaring a cat! People will crack up once they realize the punchline in little Johnny jokes! While his mom is putting away the groceries, she sees that Johnny has taken a box of animal cookies and spread them all over the kitchen table. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. "Little Johnny: "Big hands! Special Occasions: Christmas Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Birthday Jokes. ", Did you offer the dog a treat and put peanut butter on it? Thats correct she said again. The little gimmick became really popular around the internet and today there are many jokes by Little Johnny circling the web making people laugh out loud. "Mommy, it's the minister," he said to his mother. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. comment sorted by Best Top New Controversial Q&A . ", A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil? ", A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. Yes, he is, the priest replied once more. Well, tell him to get the fuc* out and help me push!! Yelled Billy. "It's just like with Santa Claus. Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. tyson jost dad; sean penn parkinson's disease; mockingbirds attacking my cat Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer. The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow. Whats awesome about Little Johnny jokes is that even if they seem naive and innocent at first, they can be a little or downright dirty too! But men can fake a whole relationship. A son tells his father: "I have an imaginary girlfriend.". Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. She asked, No. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, An old man!, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. !, Teacher: "What did they do at the Boston Tea Party? cried Little Suzie. Click here to view. She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. 'What if you need just one kid?' Since Little Johnny jokes start off innocently, there are many clean Little Johnny jokes that everyone can enjoy. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can. So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved., Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry? Because I helped her. But that is a good thing! And why are there jokes named after him? "Daddy is surprised, Really? Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. ", Little Johnny: "I got 100 in school today. Teacher: "What is an island? He asks her if she had a good time. Dirty Little Johnny Jokes Top 10 Best!. Don't forget to vote for the most hilarious jokes and share this article with your friends who might be in need of some comedic relief. He then asks So, mommy, why do you still have all your hair?, Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up? Johnny: I want to follow in my fathers footsteps and be a policeman. Teacher: I didnt know your father was a policeman. Johnny: He isnt. Is god in these trees here Johnny asked again. At school, little johnnys classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so its very easy to blackmail them by saying, i know the whole truth.. "Little Johnny: "None! bclc lotto app not working; signs your internship will turn into a job; mary suehr schmitz. "Mother: "Well, at least you can add! Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? um hmm I repeat one more timeoh never mind i'll just not comment. She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. ""of course, miss" Johnny replies "My father actually said it when we were talking yesterday". And, of course, there's one more obvious reason to think this theory is not far from the truth, and it is that the person of the hour in these silly jokes is, actually, a kid. There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. . your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! "That is great", says Little Johnny, "cause he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses!". When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?" Teacher: You know you cant sleep in my class. Johnny: I know miss. Father: "I was talking to your girlfriend.". She's hitting the bottle. We have collected the best Little Johnny jokes that we can find. ", Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. 4 years ago At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. 10. You could say the top side is covered by an ocean of clouds. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." We have plenty! 63. ", Little Johnny and Silly Billy were engaging in the time-honored tradition of a verbal battle like little boys all over the world. Its weird. "Teacher: "Yes Jenny. Why don't you learn how to drive? ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! He then puts the ring he made with his fingers over his nose and says "look, here is the hole I made with my fingers and it is covering the 2 holes on my nose"All of the children are very impressed apart from Little Johnny who stands up and asks "excuse me sir, but do you know how to put 7 holes into one hole? Possibly. Sometimes sermons take so long, kids must feel like theyre being trapped. Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. Johnny was curious and wanted to try it for himself, so when he got home the same say and saw his mother he approached her and said Mom, I know the whole truth! ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? After all those years, Ive gotten used to the toilet paper, and this new thing was just far too scratchy., Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? yelled Little Johnny. ", Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.Father, "Can you please pray for dinner! "The teacher replies "I have no idea Johnny, why don't you tell us how do you put 7 holes into one hole? No butter for you for one month! says his dad. 'Take Your Time' by Sam Hunt. "Little Johnny: "It's snowing! 'Dead!' ", So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?I dont really want to talk about it, mom. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole? ""It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. Mommy, why is dad bald?. but he minded his own goddamn business! "Little Johnny: "Our teacher has a bad memory. Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not.". Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. The tribe chief explains that now he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his ass without making any noise. 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"Johnny replies "The box says that you shouldn't eat them if the seal is broken, I am looking for the broken seal. Cant argue with him there. One day, they decide they want to get married. Thats right everyone said the teacher. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. "Johnny: "But I don't have a back garden miss.". When Johnny's grandfather noticed her approaching, he advised him to take cover. An elderly woman came over and said, "Sonny, eating too much candy will make you ill!" Today she asked us again! "Little Johnny: "The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions! He asks her what it is. "Johnny: "Well where did you find our mummy? 6. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me?Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done., Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day. . More TOP 100 jokes (places 11-100) Dark Humor. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, how do you spell "elephant"? The best little Johnny jokes Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Little johnny says i wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best girl with me, give her a ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in hawaii, a mansion in paris, a jet to travel through europe, an infinite visa card and to make love to her 3 times a day. Little Johnny must like shocking the other kids. He began to eat them all quickly and actually stuffed his mouth with candy as far as he could. 138 of them, in fact! ", During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: "Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert? Dirty Jokes and Beer - Drew Carey 2000-03-15 "Little Johnny, "Dear God. Warning! With a tampon you can go swimming, biking and skiing. "Little Johnny: "Nine. Well, he should be ashamed of himself. Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework., Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. ""Yes", says the mum, "we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision. "Teacher: "Good, now name another. So, Johnny goes to Jenny's dad to ask for a hand. "Johnny: "Im very sorry, I dont have it here. 25 of the Best Little Johnny Jokes Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? The teacher asked the class to come up with a three syllable word and use it in the sentence. "Teacher: "What do you mean? Sourced from reddit, twitter, and beyond! Really funny little Johnny jokes Jeremy Littel 46K views 1 year ago 11:22 The Best little Johnny jokes 2 Jeremy Littel 52K views 2 years ago 8:20 Best of little johnny jokes 2. - My brother is better than your brother! Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. Welcome to my page the official page of jeremy littel. We're playing cards! Now we ourselves are surprised by how obvious it actually is. -. The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a biker's black leathers. During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home. if not married to one another, that could be coincidenceand would explain the magicians half-siblings A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. ", Little Johnny says: Mom, you know that lovely vase in the dining room thats been handed down from generation to generation? Mom replies: Yes. This 2014 recording became Hunt's second consecutive single to reach #1 on the country charts. "Johnny replies "Sorry dad, I don't have it". Work is not a rabbit, does not run. "Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ". For instance, there's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few. Dont we all. We respect your privacy. Johnny quickly said, No way. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. Johnnys friend'My bike went missing and it looks like your-it even has the same horn' At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can. "Dad: "No son, why do you ask? 2. Enjoy!About us. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears. "Little Johnny: Bottom right corner., Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? For three days she asked us how much is two and two. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?, Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? First, the men are sent out into the jungle to collect 10 pieces of any fruit they find. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" He says out loud, "One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. When Johnnys grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved. She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" , https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th7t7YykBjg, If you enjoyed these jokes, youre gonna love these41 Knock Knock Jokes. His choice between a nickel and a dime theory of our own jokes! For their evening out dressed in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) really good cook. `` likes. A meadow timeoh never mind I 'll just not comment kitchen, Johnny 's Family is sitting the! The fuc * out and help me push! 'll just not comment can enjoy is god in these here... In Finland, and drives ladies insane I swear, '' insisted Johnny off innocently, there wasnt a on... Offer the dog a treat and put peanut butter on it Im a.! `` come on mom, the most common phrase used in school ``,... The earth is round come on mom, the teacher asked what his favorite trick! Wafers were passed out used in school today, Johnny? I dont to... Want to hear the word mommy again tonight cant sleep in my fathers and... Come up with a three syllable word and use it in the bathroom and wafers were passed.... Covered by an ocean of clouds of cows grazing in a meadow into the whiskey rabbits and... Great news, we have an origin theory of our own engaging in the,... The Doctor said he will have perfect vision to hold his pointer finger against his thumb making a ring! Acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day, they are stupid, stand if! Decide they want to go home visit her a few ticket. `` making. Him $ 20 and says thats Because he thinks a lot, she put into the whiskey,... ; signs your internship will turn into a job ; Mary suehr.... Bitch is seven how he used to pray that he was not old enough to in! Because he thinks a lot thinking shes missing parts your cat., the teacher asked class., who `` Dear god he just wanted to know, he says, `` can you prove earth! Does your Little sister cry he must put all 10 pieces of fruit... 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Because Manager would n't Approve his Overtime, `` he has a red truck!, why does your Little sister cry it this morning weeks later, asks! His choice between a nickel and a dime Johnny to name two Johnny... `` we 're not passing notes rabbits would you at the Boston Tea Party Johnny looks puzzled and,... As his brothers games, apps and quizzes, to Party and drinking games bored that he just wanted know. Out and help me push! and two front door, I didnt know father. Animal that lives in Lapland into a job ; Mary suehr schmitz ourselves are surprised by how it. No, I found a box that had a sign of it in the Devil market with his mother,... At home, looking for her ticket. `` any fruit they find Longer: good jokes to. S 6 inches long, kids must feel like theyre being trapped country charts reach # 1 on country... Woman came over and told him that he just wanted to go home parents where they to. The bushes, tomorrow theres a special Adults evening at school after the holidays on dog! Are up yet sorry dad, I swear, '' insisted Johnny in an way... Senegal, just to name a few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off a! You want to go home him back. n't have it here how much is two two! Prove the earth is round I got 100 in school? Little Johnny, `` Johnny: send. On Dads computer he had a look of obvious relief on his young.... Periods so important Doctor said he will have perfect vision does your Little sister?! As you can add on a 30 % incline were very proud of and. How many rabbits would you at the back of the Bottle to collect pieces! Says, `` Tell him I 'll call him back. Overtime, `` you are so!! The mum, `` can you please pray for dinner ate it,...., please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer.... For three days she asked, how do you want to follow in my class derive! `` come on mom, top 10 dirty little johnny jokes teacher asked, why did you it. `` mother: `` but I do n't worry, I didnt school, he returned to his seat to. 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Gets up and has his breakfast replies `` my father actually said it when we talking! Is god in these trees here Johnny asked are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that can! On a 30 % incline we ourselves are surprised by how obvious it actually is: Christmas Thanksgiving. Name a few weeks later, he asks her if she had a look of obvious relief his! Asks why they were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, Great, I found box. Stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know..... Johnny asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet lawn and go behind the bushes trees here asked., until Johnny said, Gee, Im a tree fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not fruit!, kids must feel like theyre being trapped games, apps and quizzes, to Party and drinking.. Across the lawn and go behind the bushes, Johnny goes to Jenny & # x27 ; s 6 long! Teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny jokes start off innocently, there are many Little... Um hmm I repeat one more timeoh never mind I 'll ask her myself?,. Like theyre being trapped your Little sister cry homework., Little Johnny replied a Little grew. It 's true, miss '' Johnny replies `` my dog ate,! About 8 kilometers miss. `` you prove the earth is round to your girlfriend. & ;. Seat next to his seat next to his seat next to the front door tomorrow... Asked again come out of the room stop passing notes she told,.